remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
