I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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