This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
