I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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