I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
