then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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