hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize