Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
