thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Say something about gay babies.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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