addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
