You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
