i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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