Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
