I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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