i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
