fuck your aforementioned shoe
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
