He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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