Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
