The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
