come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
