Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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