Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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