Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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