I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize