I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
