Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
