i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
