Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
