I puked a lego.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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