Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
