K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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