i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
