I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
