What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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