I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
NoShamevember. You game?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
not ubering you a puppy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
