so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
