but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
