Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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