Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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