meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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