You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
