Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
