When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
