I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
