I looked at my own cervix.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
