if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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