he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were destined to go to rehab together
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
