We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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