Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
