Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you would pick up someone in the library
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
