perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
