I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
