So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
