We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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