Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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