we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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