FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
