so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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