Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
