so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
