Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
