Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
