he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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