a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
