Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
